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B'nei Mitzvah: Planning Guide
» Timeline and Planning
Preparation Overview
- This is a very exciting time for your family. Preparing and planning for a Bar/Bat mitzvah can be all consuming in and of itself, yet it must be done in the context of all of the other aspects of our daily lives.
- This guide is intended to help you identify and map out what you need to do over the course of the next 12 to 18 months. It begins grouping major activities into three-month periods of time and as it nears the ceremony, and there are more details to attend to, it moves to one month increments. At the end of the timeline is a checklist that corresponds directly to it.
12 - 16 Months Out
- B'nei Mitzvah Overview Meeting
If you have not yet selected a date, obtain a Date Request Form from the Ohr HaTorah office or website and send your completed form to the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director. We will confirm a date with you as soon as possible. The Executive Director and B'nei Mitzvah Program Director will verify that the student will be able to fulfill the ceremony requirements by the requested date.
- Student Attends Ohr HaTorah Religious School
Students will attend Religious School on Tuesdays and Saturdays and complete all assignments and requirements. (As described in the 7th grade attendance policy). In the last month of Religious School of the 6th grade year, the family attends the B'nei Mitzvah Program Overview meeting with the Rabbi and receives the B'nei Mitzvah Handbook.
- Family Starts Considering the Celebration/Reception
How a family celebrates the simcha (joyous event) is as individual as each family. Some limit it to family, some invite everyone they've ever met. Some make the entire weekend a celebration, others limit it to the day of the event. Some have luncheon/afternoon parties, some have evening parties. Some have both. This is the time to begin to assess what feels right for your family and budget.
- Ohr HaTorah has a book of vendor information that congregants have used in the past. This reference is available to you at the OHT Office during the week and at Faith on Tuesday afternoons. Contact the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director if you have questions.
9 - 12 Months Out
- Student Skills Assessment
Approximately 12 months before the ceremony, the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director will contact the family to arrange for a skills assessment and develop an appropriate program of study for the student.
- Schedule Tutoring
The tutor will contact you to schedule tutoring. The length of study will vary with each student based on the skills assessments. Be prepared to embark immediately on private tutoring, undertaking of at home practice, and/or weekly or monthly check-in with the B'nei Mitzvah tutor based on the assessment of the student's knowledge and skills. The tutor will also coordinate rehearsal and study dates with you at this time.
- Student Attends Shabbat Services
At the outset of tutoring, the student should begin attending services at least twice a month to inform and reinforce learning of the individual prayers and blessings which are the first components of the tutorial curriculum. If a student's ceremony takes place prior to the conclusion of the seventh grade school year, they should begin attending services twice monthly six months prior to their ceremony date. Students and their families should plan on attending services weekly for at least the eight weeks prior to the ceremony.
6 - 9 Months Out
- Start thinking about Drash
Students with proximate ceremony dates (i.e. all the March/April B'nei Mitzvah) will meet with their parents and the Rabbi for a study session. In this session, the Rabbi will give an overview of the Torah portions, and give the families resources so the student and family can begin to study the individual Torah portion.
- Determine your Guest List
If you believe you will have more than 50 guests in the synagogue, please inform the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director so that proper arrangements can be made for the sanctuary.
- Invitation Text Approval
Prior to printing or mailing invitations, the family faxes or sends a copy of the entire Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitation to the Ohr Ha Torah office and to the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director for approval of the wording.
- Select & Order Invitations
We recommend that you wait to order your invitations until Ohr HaTorah has reviewed and approved your text. Remember to order more invitations than you think you will need, just in case.
Three Months Out
- Begin Writing Drash
The Rabbi will meet with the individual student and family to begin the process of writing the drash (speech) and start planning/discussing the service. Please review the Drash Writing Guidelines and prepare in advance so that maximum productivity can occur during this meeting.
- Determine Kiddush/Luncheon Requirements
The family will receive a letter regarding the logistics of sponsoring the Kiddush and the option of providing lunch at Ohr HaTorah for your guests.
- Please Note: It is customary for the family to sponsor the congregational Kiddush after the service. A donation of $180 will cover the cost for the Challah and wine as well as extra for kippot for your guests. If you choose to purchase special kippot for your simcha, remember to include the congregation at large in your total count.
Two Months Out
- Submit Student Profile
Prepare a picture and paragraph about the student for the Ohr HaTorah website. Forward it to the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director five weeks before the ceremony.
- Determine Service Honors & fax in the form
Fill out and fax in the Service Honors Form for your child's ceremony.
- Determine B'nei Mitzvah Logistics & fax in form
Review and fill out the B'nei Mitzvah Logistics Form. Discuss questions with regards to Ohr HaTorah's requirements and preparation for the ceremony or about ritual practices with the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director and fax the final version to the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director. Be sure to retain your original version for your reference. The Shabbat Coordinator will discuss and review all details with respect to the Kiddush and luncheon.
- Please Note: If you are having a luncheon at Ohr HaTorah and expect more than 50 non-member guests, please discuss your plans in full with the Executive Director, Shabbat Food Director, and B'nei Mitzvah Program Director and arrange the food with the Shabbat Food Director. Also, please be prepared to cover expenses such as:
- Additional table and chair rentals for your guests.
- Tablecloths and napkins for your rented tables.
- Cleaning of Ohr HaTorah linens.
- Additional work time required of Ohr HaTorah staff
- These and any other fees will be determined and delineated during your planning meeting referenced above. Our goal is to accommodate all of your guests.
- Family Learns Torah Blessings
The family makes sure that those who will be called for an aliyah have a printed copy of the Torah blessings and a recording of them. Both are available in the B'nei Mitzvah section of the Ohr HaTorah website under "Study Resources." The student should be able to assist their family and friends in learning them if necessary.
One Month Out
- Tweak and Polish Blessings, Prayers, Parashah, Haftara and Drash
The bulk of "learning" will be complete or winding down and study will focus on full service reviews, queuing and public presence.
- Write Parental Blessing(s)
- Remember to Breathe!
- Stay in contact with the Shabbat Food Coordinator and/or the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director with updates, questions, and for any additional help Ohr HaTorah can provide as you make your final preparations.
- Final Head Counts for Kiddush/Luncheon
- Provide a final count of expected guests to the Shabbat Food Coordinator and/or the B'nei Mitzvah Program Director. Review the final details with respect to the Kiddush and the luncheon with the Shabbat Coordinator.
- Full Rehearsal
Rehearse the full service with the Rabbi (after Shabbat services from 2:00-3:00pm or 3:00-4:00pm on the one or two Shabbatot before the ceremony). The B'nei Mitzvah Program Director will give the Rabbi and the family a copy of the Service Honors Form. The Rabbi will review the order of the Torah Service (as necessary) and the family's participation.
Preparation Timeline & Checklist |
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